Tact

Am I the only one who found this video of Susan Boyle more troubling than triumphant?

God bless Miss Boyle--I am happy she did well, though not convinced that the judges weren't expecting her that day. What bothers me though is the whole genre of shows that seem to be the modern day equivalent of the Roman Coliseum.  No matter how Susan Boyle looked--and whether or not she had an iota of talent--she should not have been treated so rudely by leering judges or a jeering crowd.

One of the most important lessons a child can learn is the virtue of tact which, at base, is the art of not hurting others. I have had countless conversations with my children explaining the nuance of how certain actions, words, or facial expressions could insult other people, whether or not intended.  This--I hope--will train them to be empathetic, sensitive, and kind-hearted.

It seems to me that a steady diet of  "Britain's Got Talent" and the million other shows featuring judges mocking or insulting the unfortunate is already leading to a coarsening of society that will have long-term effect.  (Can you imagine how a British audience fifty years ago would have treated a middle-aged woman on stage?) 

If only we could bring back tact and delicacy.

Comments

[Jennifer in TX]

Hear, Hear, Alice! I agree completely. God bless!

[Jennifer]

Well said. My husband watches AI with my daughter and I couldn't put my finger on why hose shows make me so uncomfortable. "Mean" was the only word that came to mind.

[Cay]

I agree w/ you, Alice, especially about the "coarsening of society that will have long-term effect." Dear me, yes!

I also think that part of the meaningfulness (and beauty) behind Susan's "success" is that everyone who watches the video realizes their own human weakness: their assumptive tendencies and judgmental attitudes. Thus the rudeness.

I'm sure everyone who watches that video will think twice before jeering at others. Or, at least, have a guilty, contrite spirit (that is so lacking in today's world) afterwards and vow to improve themselves.

That's my hope and prayer.

[Lindsay]

I agree with Cay. I think that what was moving about the video was that those jeering rude people were put in their place, at least for those few minutes. One hopes it makes a lasting impression about the awfulness of their actions. We all need to taste humble pie on occasion.

It is also a reminder (which, we apparently need constantly) to not judge a book by its cover. How absurd to assume that someone who isn't young and fashionable wouldn't be able to sing!

[Susan (Taffy)]

I was also quite irked at the way the crowd and judges received Susan Boyle when she first appeared on stage. Rudeness defined.

But I am SO pleased with how she stood up to it all and performed so well! She really put all the skeptics in their place and proved the adage that you can't judge a book by its cover.

It's funny that her recent makeover is a news item. What does this say about human nature? She does look better and I do hope that it gave her self-confidence a boost (not that she seems to need it).

I'm hoping she wins the whole competition and whatever prize is offered at the end and am looking forward to hearing her sing some more!

[Jennie C.]

Me, too. I couldn't believe the way she was treated, by the judges or the audience. Absolutely no respect for her simple humanity.

This one here is maybe the best commentary on the video I've seen yet.

http://mariannemum.blogspot.com/2009/04/beauty-of-susan-boyle.html

[Clare Marie-Therese Duroc]

Yup. 'Gladiator sport' is the term mama and I use for that show.

I've always disliked the show purely because I think it's an awful way to 'make it.' There's too much of a dependence on things outside of yourself. Far preferable, I think, to hit the road and try to slowly work your way up... it teaches you so much, and it makes great memories.

These shows, particularly AI I think, are so wrapped up in the image, to the extent that the image the competitor is selling is at least as important as the actual music. Getting trapped by your image is an awful thing; it puts you in a no-win situation. Fans are so fickle, and they'll hate you if you try to grow and change, but they'll get bored if you stay exactly the same.

I wish there could be a show again similar to The Ed Sullivan Show, where all the different varieties of talent could congregate and show their stuff. ES was really about giving talent a legitimate break. The time the Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem had on the show made a huge difference to their career.

It's not that I object to a healthy spirit of competition, but I don't see this stuff as healthy in any way. When I was watching the Susan Boyle clip I got the creepy feeling that the show was centered around me, as a member of an audience. I was expected to react a certain way when she came out on stage, and expected to react another way when she started to sing. It felt like it was all about getting that reaction out of me at her expense.

And then the suspense they keep you in while you wait for the Yes or No... I thought for a moment I was watching the movie Gladiator and waiting for the emperor to give his thumbs-up or -down.

Ahem! I could rant on forever... the gist of it is I don't like the gladiator sports.

[michelle waters]

I'm so with you. I cried when I saw that video, not so much out of happiness for her but out of utter shock for how everyone had completely prejudged her based on nothing other than her appearance. It was horrible. Honestly, it really touched me and I've since tried to really work on not judging by mere appearances but on the heart (which of course is how God judges!)

[Shelly]

The Golden Rule is still the best reminder for that audience and others like them. Miss Boyle was confident, humble and quite talented. I really hope the evil entertainment industry does not corrupt her.

[Margaret]

Alice, you are spot on. Tact is a disappearing virtue, I'm afraid. Body language is supremely important; if your facial expressions and mannerisms don't back up what you're saying, in a way, you are lying.

I particularly recall one young girl (I shall not say lady) in the audience who showed utter contempt and repulsion on her face as she rolled her eyes at Miss Boyle. I wonder if she wishes she could change that reaction now or not. She might be so hardened that she might not care. Or she could be very deeply embarrassed and her faux pas is now immortalized on YouTube.

What disturbs me is that Susan Boyle got a 'pass' for being unattractive because she can sing. How would the audience have treated Miss Boyle if she sang poorly? I shudder to think of the jeers, eye rolls and laughter that would have been. She should be treated well because she is a child of God.

The derision and cruel jabs that are pelted at TV contestants are meant to humiliate them. They suffer while we laugh. I think that is sick. Alice, you are very right. It cheapens and coarsens us all.

[Margaret in Minnesota]

A different Margaret chiming in to say, well, YES, certainly, the world would be a better place if there were more Alices.

And I mean that with all my heart.

My family and I enjoy American Idol and I feel GUILTY for enjoying American Idol but there you have it. We like the talent show aspect of it even while having to discuss the rudeness and immodesty, of which there is a fair share.

But that's our world, isn't it? We're not living in Victorian England (and I'm not sure that I'd want to be), but we CAN make a change within our homes...

...and carry it out into a world that really needs it.

About Susan Boyle, yes, it would be better for her had she NOT been pre-judged on her appearance but again, I can't be too critical of that aspect of the performance because I myself am very guilty of making judgements based on appearance. (I only hope that I never roll my eyes like that one lady in the audience.)

Still. Do you not think that perhaps--just perhaps--Miss Boyle brought on a wee bit of it herself by her sassy comments? I'm referring to Simon Cowell's asking her "How old are you, Darling?" and she replied, "47...and that's just one side of me."

At which point she shook her hips teasingly.

The fact is, there are very attractive people with very unattractive personalities...and vice versa. This story is good b/c it's shaken us up and reminded us--hopefully--to look for the good and to WAIT for the good when it's not immediately forth-coming.

[Andrea]

You have a beautiful blog. It's inspiring and rich. Many blessings to you and yours.

Andrea

[matt]

Great post. Kindness and tact have been eschewed in favor of "telling it like it is."

[Karen Edmisten]

Alice, I know what you mean. I keep mulling over a possible post about the implications of the way in which she was received merely due to her looks. Interesting/sad/expected? You've definitely hit on a lot of what I was thinking ....

[Kristen]

I don't watch AI and I'm not fond of the whole nature of the program. I must say though, I had never pondered it in the light you portray - the idea that this program takes joy in someone else's humiliation, their mistakes....their suffering. I keep thinking how easily this brings to mind Our Lord's scoffers and persecutors on His road to Calvary. What you say is simply, true. Your words were a revelation to me when I read them. Thank you.

[Cascia @ Healthy Moms]

I agree with you. All the negativity we see on the television is going to make an impact on society. I saw the video and loved Ms. Boyle's voice. I found your blog on Mom Blogger's club.

[mamacrow]

hmmm. I don't think this is simple because I feel Susan Boyle played on it a bit... Played on the fact she looked middled aged and frumpy, so that then there was an increased shock imput when she opened her mouth and let out that voice... Admitedly I'm only basing my opinion on having seen a clip on a showbiz round up show. We don't watch those kind of reality tv programmes in my house because of the humiliation involved which I just feel is inappropriate. My husband does enjoy watching the Apprentice, and if I'm in the room (typing or sewing or whatever) I'm squirming through it with my fingers in my ears!

However, I agree (sadly) about my society (the UK) having coursened. I do not wish to return to the days of prejudice, emotions and opinions being firmly locked behind doors, but whatever happened to common politeness? Or that old adage, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!

[Beate]

I was drawn to Susan because she suffered an anoxic brain injury at birth - I pray for her as she travels this road. There was an excellent article about her in the Register last week :-)

[Brian]

This is just another example of how society today has gone to new lows..to judge a person on their looks even before anything else.
I hate all reality shows , and even Idol as well as all the rest, but when a friend of mine showed me the video of Susan on YouTube,i noticed right away at all the rude people in the audience as well as that Simon,giving Susan those looks of daggers just because she wasn't very attractive!
I thought ...that nasty audience, and that poor woman..then she opened her mouth and had the last laugh,i literally was teary eyed after her song was done, and i said ,Good for you Susan,you have a God sent talent few people have.
Society needs to wake up and stop putting pressure on Everyone to always have to look Pretty, Hot,Sexy,and young..it is all BS, it is one of the most harmful and serious things that kids today are exposed to and get caught up in,as well as many adults !...truly Society needs to get a wake up call,just because a person may not have visible beauty..doesn't mean they aren't full of beauty inside!,and sometimes they have gifts beyond our wildest dreams!