A Promise Delayed

“When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children . . . . [s]he said to Jacob, ‘Give me children, or else I will die.’"

Genesis 30:1.

Sometime in the middle of the 1960s, an engaged couple sat making plans for married life. Like the young people in yesterday’s story, they longed to hear the fabled “patter of little feet,” praying it would rise to a clamor before long. The two hailed from large and loving families and were eager to fill a home of their own with new young lives.

They married on a windy day in October of 1964, with a spray of rice and squall of bells. Already, the bride, a resourceful seamstress, was mentally calculating the lengths of fabric she would need to create a quilted crib set for her first little one, wondering if she ought to cut up her gown for a Christening robe. Her head swam with favorite names for future children: Alice, Mary, Florence, Eileen, Joseph, Michael, James, John . . . . So many beautiful possibilities.

The couple returned from Atlantic City and settled into normal life, looking forward to the hour they would welcome a first child into their home. Days passed, dissolving into weeks, then dragging on to months, but still no babies came. Each page ripped off the calendar was itself a wrenched hope, wrinkled into the dismal wastebasket of years.

One chilly afternoon, the wife was feeling especially downcast. She blessed herself at the door of a local church and sank at the foot of an imposing statue of St. Joseph. Unexpectedly and insistently, the turbulence in her heart swelled into tears—tears of grief and desolation, and tears of something teetering near, but never quite falling into, despair. She cried to the Saint from the depths of her heart (a “prayer” she would often recount to her daughter later):

“How could you let this happen to me? I’ve always been so devoted to you, even as a child! Why don’t I have a baby?!”

Later on that day, she felt remorseful and foolish for having spoken so sharply to Good St. Joseph, but he, having been the most perfect of spouses while on earth, surely understood the lamentations of a sorrowful wife. He also seems to have had a word with his foster Son, because, two weeks later, she found out she was expecting.

I am an only child. My mother bought her milk by the quart and frequented the express line at supermarkets. My father brought me to work with him now and then, and, unlike most of the families on our block, we never needed a Station Wagon. I had my own room, first choice of afternoon television shows, and the prizes in every box of cereal. Our home was calm, content, and quiet.

By God’s grace, the only child is now a mother of seven, and I cannot help but celebrate the gift of a bustling, busy family. Yet in my quiet moments of reflection, I remember that our large family, in many ways, sprang from a quieter place—from the recesses of a home with only one small olive branch lovingly tended. If the truth is known, the confident “right away” flowing from the pen of an inexperienced twenty-four year old came, not from any wisdom or foresight, but because of the example of faithful parents who taught that children are indeed a precious gift, but by no means assured. Thanks to their example and even their disappointment, time seemed of the essence, even at twenty four. Perhaps this blessed sense of urgency was God’s gift in the days when I thought time and childbearing would go on forever. I like to think it was His answer to my parents’ desperate prayers so many years before.

According to the Catechism, “Sacred Scripture and the Church’s traditional practice see in large families a sign of God’s blessing and the parents’ generosity.” CCC 2373.

Large families are a vivid and visible sign, a beacon of Faith in a world that has too often rejected God’s gifts. Yet we know with certainty that our Father in Heaven also sees in secret. He notices the mother shedding a tear as she puts her only child’s crib in storage or the father praying for his wife on the way to work, and, in their grief and anxiety, He Himself sees “a sign of God’s blessing and the parent’s generosity.” He holds their hearts in His and knows that their suffering is not in vain. These couples tread a path that “radiate[s] a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice.” CCC 1654. Theirs is a hard fought tribute to the Sanctity of Life.

When Our dear Lord came to earth, He blessed small families forever by choosing one for Himself. May we never cease to praise Him for the hidden violets in His heavenly garden.

Pearls from the Catechism:

“A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift.” CCC 2378.

“Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice.” CCC 1654

“When we share in God’s saving love, we understand that every need can become the object of petition. Christ, who assumed all things in order to redeem all things, is glorified by what we ask the Father in His name.” CCC 2633

Comments

[Kelly]

A beautiful tribute to your parents, Alice. You have such a sweet spirit.

[Amy]

You are an answer to prayer, Alice! Your parents', and mine! God bless you, dear one!

[Patty]

A magnificent post clearly springing from a loving heart. Thank you.

[Maria]

What a beautiful post, dear Alice!

I cried seeing your dear parents - they are so precious!

[Maryan]

Another great reflection on the gift of children, Alice.

[Melanie]

beautiful.

[Marybeth]

Beautiful! You are the crowning jewel in their lives. How much your mother must cherish her grandbabies! :)
I understand the deepness of your mother's sorrow and her joy at having you. Words can't express enough to our children how we feel about them after thinking our lives would be void of their laughter and love. God bless!

[sarah]

I returned to read "A Promise Kept" for a second time and got the unexpected treat of reading this post as well. As an only child of a mother who also longed years before rewarded with child, this was especially touching.

[Jenn Miller]

I knew the story, but I never tire of it. Beautiful, Alice...and thank you for touching my heart.

[Suzanne Temple]

It's no surprise to me, Alice, that you are St Joseph's answer to someone's prayer. He ALWAYS gives the BEST things. Love to you!

[Elizabeth H]

Wow. What a beautiful story, and a wise reminder.

[Carole]

What a beautiful testiment to your parents! I can believe that you are the answer to a prayer and what a wonderful answer you are. How your mother must treasure you and your children.

[Beck]

Oh, Alice - so sad and beautiful.

[Carol]

As someone who waited 3 anxious, almost desparate years for children, I really appreciated you sharing this. Now, as the mother of 2, it is a good reminder of what blessings they are. Of course I know that they are, but on those days when I feel weary and overwhelmed it is good to remember that my girls are answers to prayers of longing.

[Claire]

So touching... Thank you!

[Elena]

Beautiful.

[Kristen Laurence]

A very holy woman I know who is a mother to 17 children and a grandmother to 130 children (so far!) once told me that if God would have only given her one child, she would have felt complete.

I always thought her remark was a beautiful tribute to the true gift of life.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece, dear Alice!

[MaryM]

I knew from previous posts that you were an only child - but, wow, this is an amazing story when told in full. Thank you for sharing it.

[Jennifer]

Thank you for sharing, Alice. You have touched my heart this morning.

[Karen E.]

What a perfect, and complete picture -- the praise for the beauty of large families and the recognition of and sensitivity to those who long silently for one. A beautiful testament to the gift of *every* *single* *child* ... and even, to the gift of the *desire* for one.

You're amazing, Alice!

[KC]

Having briefly (3 years) experienced infertility and then the joy of children, I can only imagine the joy your mother felt. You are a joy to us all. Thank you for this beautiful post. It sure has started my day off right.

[Beth]

What a beautiful post -- thank you.

[Barbara]

That's a lovely story that your mother was courageous to pass on to you. She must be a wonderful woman.

[MelanieB]

I;m wiping away tears. Thank you for this beautiful reflection.

Having recently been told that my hopes for a large family may never be, that my single daughter might be my only child, this really touched me.

A welcome reminder to thank God for the blessings he has given us.

[elena maria vidal]

We had planned on having a large family but things did not happen as we had planned. There are so many things we can never predict. Accepting God's will is everything. We are so grateful for the little one we do have.

[Dawn]

Thank you, dear Alice, for this post. You have such a beautiful way with words.

[stef]

Another beautiful post, Alice. I hope you put all of these together in a book one day -- we'll have to buy several copies to give to friends and family!

[FloridaWife]

THAT was beautiful! God bless you.

[maria]

Thank you for this beautiful and encouraging post! My name is Maria, I'm forty two, and Catholic. My husband and I met on a Catholic Singles website. We were married on June 16th 2007, the feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. When we married I was almost forty one and my husband almost forty three.

We have been trying since we were married to have children without any success. I want to be a Catholic homeschooling wife and mother so much. I adore children. I've been a daycare teacher for twenty years and I was always told by the parents of the children "So, when are you going to have children? You would be such a great Mother!"

Unfortunately it was discovered last February 12th 2007 when I needed surgery to remove two ovarian cysts that I had severe endometriosis stage four. I am told that my chances of being able to have a child are low. But still I hope and I pray.

I often feel very sad and discouraged wondering if we will ever be blessed with children. I am finding praying the rosary is helping me a lot.

May I please ask for prayers? Maybe I should pray to St. Joseph too?

Love,
Maria Therese

[Suzanne viggiano]

Definately a beautiful story....every child is certainly a gift. I have to add to your words, small and large families are a vivid and visible sign, a beacon of Faith in a world that has too often rejected God’s gifts.

God Bless small, medium and large families....