Back in September, I drove two of my daughters back to college. This may well be my least favorite task of motherhood, and I always grieve when parting from them. I remember being alone in the car on the way back and turning on the radio to hear Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide." The backstory of this song is fairly well known. Stevie Nicks wrote it for Lindsay Buckingham in 1973 while she was staying in Aspen, and he was out on the road. Their careers had hit a rough patch, and the song was about perseverance. It is a love song, really. Yet, at that moment, in the car alone, I heard the song coming from within myself:
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too
Oh, I'm getting older, too
Then I had a bit of a cry--the good kind of cry you have when a song hits you perfectly, and you are alone in a car feeling sorry for yourself.
I am just home now after driving the two of them back once more, this time after a long Christmas break. I am sad, as usual, but feeling more accepting than ever before and already looking forward to the spring. Perhaps, the child within my heart rose above.